We are in a culture of bullying hypocrisy. On the surface, we claim to stand against bullying in all forms, but underneath that picture-perfect photoshopped makeup of a sham, bullying is really part of our every day culture. Everyone partakes in some form of bullying. At some point, everyone has also experienced being the victim. The alpha-male complex is so ingrained in our Pavlovian minds from society's enabling nurture that we bully delusionally, without realizing we bully.
The following are true stories gathered from things I've observed in this life...
You see one kid scream, "You're so fat and ugly...." We identify that as bullying; however, "Haha, you're mama is so fat, if she sat on an iphone, it would turn into an ipad." You laugh. He's just having a little fun. Then we go online and see an adult friend post a picture of a 14 year old girl who probably weighs 170 pounds sitting in a sexy pose (probably for a stupid boy), and all the comments are things like...
- Be careful. She'll sit on you.
- Kill it. Kill it with fire.
- She probably ate her last boyfriend.
- See, this is the problem with America, too many fat people.
- She's not fat. She's just pregnant with an elephant's baby.
- Eww gross. Eye bleach!
And in that specific example, I dared disturb their universe. I commented, "Grow up. Ridiculous, adults bullying a 14 year old girl on the internet," and they all accused me of being without a sense of humor. It's ok to make fun of someone behind their back apparently.
That does not say, "Make someone sad or depressed," or "steal from people" or "break the law." No. All you have to do to be a bully is abuse your power.
Examples of publicly accepted bullying by its real definition:
- Rude comments on articles
- Calling people names in a debate
- Insulting Internet Memes
- Road Rage
- Spanking or shaming children into acceptable behavior
- Public Schools Truancy Policy and Disciplinary Methods
- Bogus CPS calls on conflicting opinions
- Republican Politicians shutting down the government
- Telemarketers and Bill Collectors harassment
- Tenants complaining and Landlords evicting over things like, "noise" like television sets.
- Police following you just to see if you break the law; police questioning
I don't think society knows how to function without bullying. Part of it is nature. The alpha male wolf pack. Part of it is nurture. It's all we know. However, you have the power to change that in your life.
There is one man who dared show us how to function without force. He coerced with love. He intimidated with truth. He dominated with understanding. Jesus Christ.
Whether you believe in Him or not, He knew how to function without bullying. He inspired peace-driven change in many, from Martin Luther to Martin Luther King. Jesus has the heart of a lion, and it's within His heart can you find peace during the storms people bring. Within His heart is the power to change.
The Heart of the Lion Ask Questions
Jesus always asked many questions. Socratic Questioning is a great method to help people discover the truth since nobody believes it when you flat out tell them the truth. But He didn't just ask questions in order to help you find the point He wanted to make. He also asked questions because He sought to fully understand the situation. Instead of jumping to accusatory assumptions, Jesus sought the truth. He wanted to UNDERSTAND a person's heart. Many times, within Jesus finding that understanding, everyone answering His questions also found understanding in themselves, and many times, that's all we need to change a bad situation into something better.
Instead of judging people, focus on trying to understand their motivations, their intentions, and their true wants. Many times people inflict pain because they are in pain. Many times people want to make you feel insecure because they are insecure. Misery loves company, and you can learn a lot about a person's misery by observing the misery they cause.
The Heart of the Lion Turns the Other Cheek
Real strength is not the force that punches, but the force that can withstand a blow. The only weapon against hate is love, and Jesus knows that not only can Love withstand a blow better than hate, but Love is the only thing that will turn that hatred into love. If someone takes your lunch money, we think the best response is to beat the person up so they will never do it again, but it's in the pain of getting beat up do they wither into someone who wants to take more than lunch money just as the pain they imposed on taking that lunch money fuels the desire and energy to beat them up. But let's say someone wants to take your lunch money, and you respond, "Here. I will have more tomorrow. I'm not giving you this because I'm afraid of you. I'm giving you this because I care about you." Well, you might of just made a new friend and bodyguard.
Jesus said, "You have heard that it was said, 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth,' but I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."
The Heart of the Lion Wield Weapons of Change
The Bible speaks of the armor of God. I know it's hard for nonbelievers to understand this, so find what you can in this message.
Jesus frequently used the truth as a weapon. When cornered with lies, the only weapon that will free you is the truth, which also happens to be the most painful weapon when smacked upside the face with it. But Jesus was armed with more than just Truth. If truth is a bullet, the gun is Love. Truth without love is just a piece of metal. In order to get that metal to pierce through the walls people surround themselves, it needs to be ignited and sustained by Love.
Righteousness is a good breastplate to protect you from judgment, from God or People. Noah Webster believed that the righteous shall see God, and it's true. The more you do the right thing, the more you open that third eye to see God spiritually, and He is omnipresent. It's easier to love any enemy when you see God in that enemy, a light lurking underneath the shadows. Everyone has a little light, but it needs love to really shine.
Faith and salvation will protect you from hell and its fury, but every human needs love. We all seek it. Many of us cannot find love the way we truly need it, and it's through faith in God and salvation do we find a glimpse of the love that awaits us. It is with faith and salvation do we find hope in that love. Without it, we just aren't spiritually healthy to really take on any evil, from hell or from earth. See what happens in the spirit world is a certain level of peer pressure, and it's really hard to resist peer pressure from evil if you don't have any peer pressure of good. If you can't believe in Christ, you can still believe in Christ's Message. You can have faith in Love and Peace.
Jesus frequently refers to the tongue as a double edged sword, so it's no wonder the Word of God is referred to as the sword of the spirit at some point. A lot of people take that to mean to memorize the Bible and misquote it when it seems convenient, but the power really is in the message. Jesus spoke of Love, and words of Love will pierce through any armor and enter straight into the heart. Choose your words with people wisely because it is a sword, and all your words pierce through the spirit.
Prayer is also important. Many nonbelievers will say there is power in meditation. It keeps you healthy and centered, and that's true, but if you focus your meditation on God, the power is ridiculously supercharged. The only being who could overcome darkness without light is God when He invented light. Now that light exists, we need it to overcome the darkness, and God is that light. Do not just pray for others and yourself, but listen to God. He speaks back in abstracts otherwise known as epiphany, feelings, comfort and peace. Your spirit knows what He's saying, even if your mind does not, and your spirit has a better source of information to help guide you through your life.
Ephesians says, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests."
There are so many things Jesus was, and many more things Jesus was not. Being human often interferes with our ability to be like Him, but it's in the trying do we make the kind of impressions that cause positive change. I know it's hard to believe Jesus was the best at dealing with bullies considering his bullies nailed Him to a cross to His death, and honestly, His existence teaching obvious things against hatred hasn't eliminated the persecution that plagues mankind, but the point is, He approached many people in many circumstances in His ministry and inspired them all to do better. To be nicer. To love each other. Had he gone through life selfishly, He could have avoided the cross and in His place would have been those He ignored. At some point, you just decide who are you going to be? A persecutor nailing someone who really just didn't know any better to a cross? Or the savior who comes in and inspires that person to live a life that keeps them off that cross.
You don't have to teach them to know better, but you can give them a reason to do better.
Don't get me wrong, when dealing with bullies, I have an innate desire to dominate the situation, to bully the bullies into being decent people, but I can tell you from experience, it doesn't solve the underlying issues.
When I was in the military, there was a girl in my squadron who was supposed to be my guide when I first got to the base. Before I got there, she already had a pet name for me and made fun of me with a lot of people giving me a wonderful reputation to start with. She was Little Miss Tough Girl, always talking ghetto slang like she is the person you don't want to mess with, and she really thrived on messing with people like locking them out of the bathroom for fun (or stealing their towel), or starting drama between people spreading lies... I knew she was fake. I come from a place where I am the person you don't mess with, and I recognize my own kind, and she wasn't it. In the name of helping the many victims to this girl's bullying, I dominated that situation. She was scared of me. I threatened to wrap her hair around my fist and slam her face into the computer, so she cut all of her hair off the next day. Her bullying behavior stopped for the most part, but the reasons she bullied didn't go away so fast. She really reclused into her personal world avoiding most people for quite some time. I must of made her the same outcast she was before putting on her front. Finally, I started to tell her what was good about her. See I knew the tough girl was a front, but I believed the girl she was hiding from the world was an amazing person that she was too scared to show. I started to approach her with love instead of hate, mainly from the guilt of breaking a person so much. I learned she was actually an amazing cook, but as we developed a friendship, I learned underneath that tough girl fake exterior was a real tough girl aching to come out and dominate things like sky diving, mountain climbing, finishing college... She is actually one of my smartest friends I have on Facebook, and I'm not sure we could argue again about anything. She is popular again with her friends, but for the first time in her life, she is popular because people LOVE her, not because they fear her. She finally showed us all the real her. And the real her is the girl you don't want to mess with.
That is the story of not one bully, but of two bullies. Both of us had to change our approach at some point to grow from the experience. When I stopped bullying her, I became a better person.
In many ways, our culture is on the brink of growing up a bit. We are trying to be more peace-seeking, more sharing, more earth-friendly, and create a safer place, but we haven't stopped abusing our power to make these things happen. We still bully each other around to satisfy our personal agendas, often in the name of helping others or what's best for society, but what's really best for everyone is to manage our bullying.
Some situations do call for an alpha male to dominate and lead others to victory, but most situations really need that heart of the lion to look beyond the surface deep into the soul of the situation and lead us to a place where we don't need victory.
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